I'm feeling rather discouraged lately, in general, as a healer, and as an herbalist. I had a client last week whom I'm not sure is coming back. I feel like I wasn't able to help in the right way for this person at this time, even though I KNOW what I have to offer could be of help.
I also fell off the gluten free wagon this month, a couple of times, and said to hell with it, and I spent half the night awake in pain last night when my menses came and in full force inflammatory cramping at 3 am. I had a stash of various herbal tinctures and homeopathic remedies next to the bed to take when the cramps started ( see I KNEW they would come, since eating inevitably makes it so much worse.) but after taking about 8 droppers of california poppy and corydalis, I felt sick to my stomach, completely unable to relax, and still in a great deal of pain. So much so that Darin actually got up out of bed ( and he's a heavy sleeper, waking him up isnt easy!), got dressed and went out to the store to buy me Advil for my pain.
I feel like a bad herbalist, none of my potions seemed to even TOUCH the pain of menstrual cramps aggravated by inflammation from a food intolerance, and I took the "evil" NSAIDS, which, inevitably helped. It took about ten minutes and laying there, trying to breathe through the pain, I suddenly felt a wave of relief and relaxation wash over me as the NSAIDS began to take effect. 5 minutes later, I was conked out, while Darin was left wide awake after running to the store and taking care of me.
I am so tired of work, selling crap supplements and herbs in capsules to people as band-aids for what really need changes in diet and lifestyle and mental patterns, but I can't even stick to what I know is better for me ( if only because it relieves my pain once a month for 24 hrs). Goddammit, sometimes you gotta have a beer! We did try a gluten free beer this week, which was alright. Kind of thin and weak...but not BAD. Doesn't hold a candle to a guiness though. (Slurp!)
I have all these jars of herbs and tinctures that sit in my room, and dont get used, cause they aren't in the kitchen accessible. I live a filthy crowded house with no space to work or even really LIVE.
I dont seem to attracting any clients at the clinic, even though I've talked to dozens of people through work, and handed out my cards all summer and made connections who say they will refer people to me. To no avail....